Tallest Timber: The Test XIs made up from man mountains who towered over opponents

Australian two-metre giants Beau Webster and Cameron Green have united in the Test XI.

Both 6 foot 7 in the old measurements, they are joined in the rarefied air by Pat Cummins (6 foot 4), Josh Hazlewood (6 foot 5) and Mitchell Starc at 6’6. And Sam Konstas stands an impressive 6’2, which is probably close to his batting average for the West Indies series.

It’s just a shame “The Bison” Mitchell Marsh, Kurtis Patterson (both 6’4) and Ashton Agar (6’2) were left out of that Test XI as selectors went for Snow White’s crew. The heady height of the team was immediately compared to the towering West Indian teams of the 1980s.

There’s been plenty of quality articles about all time, multi-nation XIs made up of tall timber. Which leads to the obvious yet obviously pointless question: which team has produced the tallest Test XI?

So while we struggle during this Testless window, here are Test teams made up from the tallest players from Australia, Windies, NZ, South Africa and England. Note: the TALLEST team, not BEST teams with players over six feet tall. It’s about height, not quality.

Which is why Andrew McDonald and Rob Quiney, both six foot four, get in ahead of Greg Chappell and Adam Gilchrist who both stand a mere six foot one.

It’s probably agreed that fast bowlers, like Joel Garner, are on average taller than batsmen, like Temba Bavuma. Despite this physical discrepancy, teams surprisingly don’t generally pick a Test XI of fast bowlers. Neither will we. It’s against the Spirit of Cricket to just pick XI fast bowlers standing north of 6 foot 6.

With that in mind, here’s the criteria for selection:
• The minimum height for batsmen, wicket keepers and spinners is six foot two.
• The minimum height for fast bowlers is six foot six. This is based on the condition outlined awesomely fun Roar article.
• Each team must have at least one spinner.
• Each team must have a wicket keeper who kept wicket at some point or is recorded as a wicket keeper somewhere on the interweb.
• Players are selected where they batted in at least one innings of their Test careers.
• We can’t just pick XI fast bowlers standing north of 6 foot 6. I feel we have been over this already.
• Current Test players aren’t eligible. That’s just boring. We all get to see them play now and say, “Jeez how tall is that guy?”
• Heights recorded on the interweb can vary by an inch or two. Or four. Or a few feet. Chuck Fleetwood-Smith’s height according to Wikipedia is 6 foot 5. This is indubitably dubious as other cricket websites list his height as 6 foot 1. So when in doubt, we go to the most trusted and reliable interweb sources: Quora, Reddit and/or Wikipedia.
• The winning nation will be the team with the tallest average height per player.
I haven’t included sub-continent countries because from what I could glean they didn’t have enough players to meet the criteria.

Beau Webster celebrates hitting the winning runs. (Photo by Darrian Traynor/Getty Images)

Apologies, therefore, to the following players from their respective nations:

1. Michael Vandort (Sri Lanka): 6 foot 5
2. C. K. Nayudu (India): 6 foot 2
3. Inzamam-Ul-Haq (Pakistan): 6 foot 3
4. Imran Khan (Pakistan): 6 foot 2
5. Salim Durani (India): 6 foot 2
6. Wasim Akram (Pakistan): 6 foot 3
7. Ravi Shastri (India): 6 foot 3
8. Nilesh Kulkarni (India): 6 foot 4
9. Sarfraz Narwaz (Pakistan): 6 foot 6
10. Shaheen Afridi (Pakistan): 6 foot 6
11. Mohammad Irfan (Pakistan): 7 foot 1

Neither Imran nor Wasim meet the height requirement of 6 foot 6 for fast bowlers. Ergo, neither Imran nor Wasim can bowl for this non-selected team.

So after stretching that overlong explanation, let’s start reaching for the skies.

Australia
1. Hugh Trumble: 6 foot 4
2. Warwick Armstrong: 6 foot 3
3. Rob Quiney: 6 foot 4
4. Kurtis Patterson: 6 foot 4
5. Tom Moody: 6 foot 6
6. Andrew McDonald: 6 foot 4
7. George Bonnor: 6 foot 6 (w/k)
8. John Hastings: 6 foot 6
9. Jo Angel: 6 foot 6
10. Bruce Reid: 6 foot 8
11. Peter George: 6 foot 8

Note: Hugh Trumble, who is designated spinner, batted in every position from 1 to 11 across his 32 Tests. And the hugely confident Bonnor was noted as an occasional wicket keeper, so he takes the gloves.

Cameron Green bats in Wellington. (Photo by Hagen Hopkins/Getty Images)

Those who missed out by a matter of centimetres were 6 foot 5 bowlers Michael Kasprowicz, Shaun Tait, Glenn McGrath, Jason Gillespie, Jackson Bird, Nathan Bracken and Brendon Julian.

This team feels more suited to ODI’s with all-rounders Big Ship, Long Tom and Not Quite as Long Andy Mac.

West Indies
1. Chris Gayle: 6 foot 3
2. Kieran Powell: 6 foot 5
3. Daren Sammy: 6 foot 3
4. Clive Lloyd: 6 foot 5
5. Clyde Walcott (w/k): 6 foot 2
6. Jason Holder: 6 foot 7
7. Sulieman Benn: 6 foot 7
8. Rakeem Cornwell: 6 foot 6
9. Joel Garner: 6 foot 8
10. Curtly Ambrose: 6 foot 7
11. Cameron Cuffy: 6 foot 8

Note: do you really need me to list all the players who didn’t make it? None were as tall as Rakeem. So do you still want me to list them? No, I didn’t think so. But I’ll let you pick 6 foot 4 Roger Harper as 12th man, cause I’m sure he would be used to it by now.

This is half a team of champions and a very good allrounder in Holder. Capable of anything, or the opposite of anything.

England
1. Chris Broad: 6 foot 4
2. Alex Hales: 6 foot 5
3. Graeme Hick: 6 foot 3
4. Kevin Pietersen: 6 foot 4
5. Tony Greig:6 foot 5
6. Frank Woolley (w/k): 6 foot 3
7. Andrew Flintoff: 6 foot 4
8. Ashley Giles/Richard Dawson: 6 foot 4
9. David Larter: 6 foot 7
10. Boyd Rankin: 6 foot 8
11. Steve Finn: 6 foot 8

Chris Tremlett 6 foot 7 misses out to Larter cause Larter is hardly ever mentioned in tallest cricketers, yet Tremlett does. Then we overlook 6 foot 6 Angus Fraser. Plenty of notable medium pace trundlers standing 6 foot 5 who missed out: Stuart Broad, Les Farnes, Bill Voce, Derek Pringle, Alan Mullally, Graham Dilley, Steve Harmison, Bob Willis (6 foot 10 with the hair), Jonathan Agnew, Andy Caddick, Paul Allott, Alex Tudor and Dean Headley.

(Photo by Tom Shaw/Getty Images)

Roar legend All Day Rosehill All Day confirmed Frank “Roger” Woolley took the gloves in his final Test in 1930. Aged 47 and with Les Ames injured, “Roger” reluctantly took the gloves and preceded to leak 37 byes.

This team will lose, but take the moral victory.

South Africa
1. Graeme Smith: 6 foot 3
2.Pieter Van Der Bijl (w/k): 6 foot 6
3. Jimmy Sinclair: 6 foot 4
4. Neil McKenzie: 6 foot 3
5. Hansie Cronje: 6 foot 4
6. Brian McMillan 6 foot 4
7. Chris Morris: 6 foot 5
8. Garth Le Roux: 6 foot 6
9. Vintcent Van Der Bijl: 6 foot 8
10. Paul Harris 6 foot 6
11. Marchant De Lange: 6 foot 7

Vintcent Van Der Bijl and Garth Le Roux should have played at least 50 Tests each and deserve to be there. Vintcent’s dad, a Rhodes scholar, played five Tests as an opener. CricInfo also notes Pieter Van Der Bijl as a wicket keeper so he takes the gloves. Cronje is selected for meeting the height requirements only.

Those who missed out: Brett Schultz, Morne Morkel and Goofy Lawrence 6 foot 5; Peter Heine and Lungi Ngidi 6 foot 4; Allan Donald, Peter Pollock and Neil Adcock 6 foot 3. I’d be happy with a South African all-time bowling attack where the quicks must be 6 foot 3.

No, I haven’t forgotten Graeme Pollock. Yes, I know he was tall. We’ll get to him later. Don’t get short with me.

New Zealand
1. Martin Guptill: 6 foot 2
2. Henry Foley: 6 foot 3
3. Peter Fulton: 6 foot 6
4. Tim McIntosh: 6 foot 3
5. Daniel Vettori: 6 foot 3
6. Verdun Scott (w/k): 6 foot 2
7. Jacob Oram: 6 foot 5
8. Will Sommerville: 6 foot 4
9. Richard Collinge: 6 foot 6
10. Tony MacGibbon: 6 foot 6
11. Kerry Walmsley: 6 foot 6

Henry Foley was the first NZ player to be dismissed in Test cricket. Verdun Scott beats John R. Reid by an inch. As we all know, Reid kept wicket in one Test against England in 1949. NZ were 137 in arrears after the first innings, and Reid top scored with 93 batting five in NZ’s second innings to ensure a draw. Unlucky to miss out were 6 foot 4 Tim Southee, Simon Doull, Daryl Tuffey and Kyle Mills.

Martin Guptill. (Photo by Michael Steele/Getty Images)

So who wins?

Well, of course it’s the West Indies who averaged 6 foot 6. Holder, Sulieman and Cornwall were the match winners at the top of the tail end. Australia averaged a smidge over 6 foot 5, but that will increase with the inclusion of Slug and Greeny. Millimetres behind was South Africa who needed more Van Der Bijl’s. England, predictably, failed to make the final and were lucky to finish ahead of NZ who need to have more seven footers.

I’ll leave you lot to work out a “Best XI” from the above teams. Just don’t pick Frank “Roger” Woolley at keeper.

There is actually a perfect height for players over six feet tall: six foot two. There’s a load of greats standing 188 centimetres, including Graeme Pollock. It’s seriously ridiculous. But that’s another story for another article.